I feel regret.

Wow, again I was mean, not in my tongue, but in my heart and God easily saw it and made me crying today. I strongly believe to God when I see such signs from him. Yes, poor "C", she is a diabetic patient and I feel pity for her. Today she strange to do some strange stuffs in 214 and I just noticed that she is taking her blood. I was amazed and ask the reason and she told that she is a diabetic patient and need to examine her blood each time after eating a complete meal. That was why I saw time by time the rubbish of foods in trash while I never had noticed that she ate something, really shame on me, shame on me and my care about friends. I am so sorry but it is late. I am sorry that we cannot never ever correct what we did already wrong and just now we understand this fact.

"T" today came to me and asked about the meeting with "J" in order to transfer the experienced we had in last semester. I was so sad and maybe ready to tell the story. She and "N" couldn't understand what I wrote to them as it was too vague and I knew that because my mind is vague and is not clear at all. So, she asked about the email and I started to be honest with her and explain s a summery of story while I was crying. At the time I felt so alone and disappointed. I decided to express my feeling maybe I feel better first of all, then they can understand that I have a big problem which probably block my work and finally they may find a solution for the problem as in 25 years, nobody except me can find solution or at least give me some guidance. She tried to make me feel calm at first and then said that I ma not the only one and they had the same cases before and finally asked me if I don't mind to go to Psychologist! Her reaction was so clear to me since first as I am a very good predictor and know people better than themselves. She a bit wondered that I accept to go to Psychologist without any fear. Now I think maybe I had to fear as nobody likes to go there. Anyway, I had this plan since I was I "I" and never ever I did it. Hopefully they made me feel better. "T" said something to me that I always am involved in:

What should we do in the world?

I know the answer in one word is:

Live

But I am not a clever person and need to be more explained. What does it mean? I mean "living"? Are we here to have fun and enjoy what God gifted to us? Are we here to save a good background for the life after death? For sure these two are just each other complements and the best choice in order to hesitate Risk is c combination of these two. Now the question arises is about the coefficients. Lets make a Mathematical model for our problem:

Take the following variables and assumptions:

Assumption: We believe there exist life after death with obvious(!) properties.

F: Amount of fun and enjoying what God gifted to us
S: Amount of saving good background for the life after death
L: Living

Since the life in limited (in all aspects), so we can define w such that 0<= w<=1. Now we can give the following model for L:

L = w*F+(1-w)*S

and the question is that for which w it is optimal. Clearly we should define at first the word "optimal". In my idea w depends on the person.

I should here appreciate my father as he answered all of my question concern which one is bad and which one is good with the phrase "up to the person" whereas I am just looking for a definite good an bad. Maybe that is why my life goes one more difficult than others. I remember when I was in touch with "M", brother of my ex professor who was dies so early due to cancer, he just advised me: Please keep it in your mind that life is not Math. In Math 2+2=4, however it life 2+2 is not equal to 4. I still have problem with understanding it but I guess it is some how correspond to this good and bad. It Math when yo have a Theorem, it is definitely true for time all assumptions hold, but in real life you can mostly find a new assumption in case of not holding, the Theorem doesn't work.

I hope some day I can understand what they are saying and what they told me. An I hoe it happens so soon not at the end of my life when I don't have enough time to consider and use them.